Street Scholars

I can't be certain, but i am pretty sure homeless people are the most well read people in America. Think about it, the last time you went to the library downtown, who was haunting the reading room? Who was crashed outside in the garden with their plastic bags full of treasure? Who was holed up in the bathroom sweating, grunting, and working it out, just to leave their long luscious defecations unflushed in the commode? Yeah the fucking homeless peoples.

Now all of us city dwellers have been dealing with these mystical faerie folk since our first day on the block, but here in L.A. I feel that being homeless is elevated to a realm that surpasses even that of the NYC underground dwellers. Being homeless in L.A. is like being a fucking hobbitt in the Lord of the rings, this is their town, their world. Every inch of public space is manned by a derelict individual, all civic works are ultimately to their benefit. Because of the city's "hands off" policy they are free to inhabit every sidewalk, bush, crevice, underpass, "outhouse and doghouse" that they might find. The rest of us just walk around like we don't notice, it's the ultimate exercise in denial. There are thousands of zombies walking the streets, eating our brains, making stinkies in the lavatories, and we just act like nothings happening. Oh, it's happening it's a magical fucking faerie land out here and I'm on the bus. No seriously, I'm on the bus and it's full of crazies! I gotta pull the chain, I don't care where it stops JUST LET ME OFF THIS GODDAMN BUS!!!

So anyway, these secret geniuses are hiding out in the library all day everyday, reading all there is to know about everything, how smart are they really and what are they planning? Is it wise for us to allow these people to amass such minds of near infinite knowledge when all their time is spent idly? With their vastly superior intellect and their free weekdays they could easily rise up and subvert our entire civilization! Next thing you know we'll all be sleeping in the park and talking to ourselves as we look at the dog poo on the ground.

...okay hold on a sec

I'm in the library right now and I've got my eye on a real mastermind, it looks like he's letting his eyes rest while he recomputes all the information he's just garnered. I'm going to get a closer look, see what he's reading, see if i can gain an inkling on his devious plans for world sublimation.

okay...deep breathe...

one
two
three
GO!


...okay I'm back
That was intense
I felt like I was navigating a ornately crafted web of mental security just approaching him, but here's what I found out:

He was reading Dr. Seuss's "Horton Hears a Who?" and it looked as if he ejaculated a bit on the page then barely managed to stuff his greasy unit back into his filthy camo trousers before passing out in flatulent ecstasy. For the moment we may be safe from a homeless style revolution. Thank Jeebus.