So there we are, back on my favorite haunted country ranch of historical relevance and inherent creepiness when my boss Chris, Jeebus bless his heart, decides to regale me with more tales of woe akin to the previous woeful tales of woe in Work up part I.
You see I'm back at the corral, it's lunch time and I've brought a few extra carrots for my friends, Caballo grande, Dos Caballos pequenos, y Sr. Burro. I'm hanging out, giggling like a little girl and enjoying my horsey time with the horsies. Now remember folks, I'm pretty much standing on THE Trail of Tears out here, it's nuts AND there's the ghost of a little dead girl wandering around in her night gown...for real, just ask Chris, he'll tell you all about it. Perhaps sensing my relative ease and contentment, enter the bossman...
"You really like these horses huh John?" he asks
" Fuuuuck Yeah!" I exclaim " These mini-horses are the JAM! and have you seen Sr. Burro over there? He's so bummed out all the time! He's reminds me of my friend Jeremy."
If you're wondering if I actually say things like this to my employer, the answer is yes. I have been working with him for over a month, the secrets out, I'm a weirdo.
He responds "Yeah it's pretty cool how she (the lady of the house) adopts all these animals. They're all abused and neglected."
" How does one neglect a horse? I mean ...Why would mumble mumble mumble"
I just sort of trail of in my astonishment that someone could mistreat such a immense and noble creature, then again I have seen people do some terrible things to each other and themselves, why not to what they most certainly consider a lower life form? Also in the "abuse" catagory I am reminded of the Horse F*%ers, the sexual deviants who take pleasure in either handling some horsepower or getting handled by some horsepower. I even once heard of a guy dying because he got reamed by a horse and it destroyed is internal organs. Raw horse power. Yeah, guy needed to get there, he wasn't satisfied with the common pleasures of getting F-ed in the A, he needed more...a lot more, no six inch man piece would do, no novelty foot long double dong satiated his needs, he wanted a full ARM'S LENGTH of HORSE SWORD backed by the densely packed musculature of a TWO TON BEAST. Seriously, this happened, my friend Joey saw the video, although he never explained WHY he saw the video. But straight up, there was entry, a groan, and death. The mega-dick just plunged straight into his rectum, up into his colon, tearing past the lower intestines and piercing the man's lungs. Or so I imagine. (and i do Imagine...over and over...) which oddly enough is an appropriate segue into the rest of my story!
Chris starts talking about the neighbor across the pasture
" Yeah the lady next door raises Stallions, and she was supposed to have a full horse fence you know? Like with an electrified wire and stuff, but all she had was one of these split beams right here (points to the corral fence). Well she (owner of our property) had just rescued a little filly ,you know ? And in the spring this horse went into heat, and I guess the Stallion across the way could smell it and it drove him nuts"
"uh-oh" I said.
Not just uh-oh for the filly, but uh-oh for me, because Chris is about to disqualify another bucolic horsey day from the running of best day ever with another colossal bum-out story.[sic]
He continues
" The Stallion broke it's fence and came charging over here, it just smashed into the yard and then chased the filly around the corral for like an hour until it cornered her down by the road. A couple of bikers were riding by and saw it happen, they were trying to throw rocks at him to stop him but it didn't even phase him, man."
"You've got to be kidding me"
" No man, he just raped that poor horse and killed her."
"What the f%*"
"...and the worst part was, after she was laying on the ground bleeding to death, the Stallion just stood there kicking her."
" What the F%*???"
"Yeah, man, horse rape. She (the lady of the house) was devastated when she found out, it really broke her heart."
"I can imagine." I reply.
" Yeah so she got in this big court battle with the neighbors over negligence and this and that, and they ended up getting that Stallion destroyed."
I stand there dumbfounded at the conclusion of the story. It really only makes sense. Such a real ending...so fitting for our time and place, so human. Then I look at Chris and in all honesty say
" I really wish you wouldn't tell me these things."
These are some of the days I have at work. They're not always like this, or maybe I just stopped listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment