Good question. I'm locked up solo-style in the tight quarters of a socially packed servant's house, this place is thick as theives. I can't manage one night on the couch without some gang of fools waking me up with their late hour's carrousing. I got Joe Rogan over here, smoking DMT, sleeping in his salty isolation tank, and telling me how humans are bacteria and sentimentality is a coping mechanism, I'm just nodding and sing songing "truuuuuueeee". Then you have Howard Bloom, in pole position on the porch, telling me not to give into the God of War, while he makes eyes at Leslie Feist who is still wearing that blue sparkley number and getting all the misty wraiths under the floorboards to clap in time. Teenage hopes indeed.
This Confederate Colonel is on my ass for trying to date his 150 year old corpse daughter, ghost cat wants some whiskas, maniacal squirell is all hippedy bippedy on the tree over there and I'm sweating through my sleep sack like it's the summer of '68 and I'm back in "the shit". Let these poltergeists take a hike, I'm too dense for haunted Nashville, they're all trying to get some Yankee nerves riled up but man I got the sleep apnea, I haven't been the whole night through since grade school.
Next thing you know Lazy Magnet will be rolling into town to commiserate on the fate of the dolphins in their constant struggle with our hidden adversary (who's rising), then I'll have no choice but to stay up all night drinking Pabst, listening to Art Bell and screaming at the walls till the shadow people vector in from the Netherverse and do my fucking laundry.
So to answer the question, What would Monkeys do? I would have to say, probably much the same thing that Jesuses would do. Howl and screech, groom each other for snacks, furiously masturbate then throw their scat at each other... like good Catholics.
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